1) Alright, tonight's gonna be a good night!
2) I'm going to make enough to make a car payment.
3) ...and buy a six-pack!
4) I should grab some fries, so I don't get hungry later.
5) Are the hostess's even going to seat me tonight?
6) Oh wait, they already did when I was eating my fries.
7) Wait, seriously this is my section? Whatever.
8) Ugh, they're young kids.
9) They aren't going to tip me. Assholes.
10) "Hi guys!! How are you! What can I get you to drink this evening?" ...god I'm so good at being fake nice.
11) Fuck you, really? Waters? You just want water?
12) "Okay sounds great, I'll be right back with your waters!" (Smiles a lot)
13) (Back in kitchen) Of course these kids only want water. I hate cheap people.
14) I'm not going to make any money tonight.
15) I'm getting them non-filtered water. Zero fucks given.
16) Okay, did I really just get double sat?
17) "Here are your waters, I'll be back to take your orders in a sec!"
18) Oh you're ready to order now? Sure let me drop everything just for you guys since you're the only ones in the restaurant.
19) Fuck you and your waters.
20) Oh a salad for you? What do you weigh, 40 lbs wet?
21) You want FF ranch? You're getting the fattest ranch I have
22) "Sounds great guys! I'll put that right in for you!" Walks away smiling.
23) I'll put it in the computer when I get a chance.
24) God I hate teenagers.
25) Of course my second table would be old people.
26) I hate old people almost as much as I hate teenagers.
27) "Hi folks. So nice to see you coming out this evening! What can I grab you to drink?" (Smiles and speaks loudly)
28) A Coors Light? Damn Grandpa!
29) Sweet!
30) These are my type of old people.
31) Fuck teenagers.
32) "Okay, I'll be right back with your beers! Let me know if you need anything!"
33) Damn is the bartender looking good tonight.
34) Shit, I need to ring in those orders.
35) What did they have again?
36) Oh yeah, that skinny bitch wanted salad.
37) Ugh why are they playing Summertime Sadness right now?
38) I wonder what is going on later tonight after work?
39) "Hey guys, are we going out tonight?" -- 3 minutes talk with other severs.
40) Oops, I need to give those people their beers now.
41) I'll just blame the wait on the bartender.
42) His ass looks good in those pants.
43) I wonder where he got his pants at.
44) "Here are your beers! Sorry it took a few minutes. Our bartenders are a little busy tonight!"
45) Yeah, they totally bought that lie.
46) I wish I was drinking that beer.
47) What beer should I buy tonight?
48) Shit those orders need put in!
49) "Can I take your order now or do you need a few minutes?"
50) "Oh you need a few minutes?"
51) Good, I need to put bitch's salad in.
52) Their waters are empty.
53) Great.
54) "It shouldn't be much longer for your meals guys. Here's some more water though!" (Smiles maybe too much)
55) This girl has really pretty hair.
56) Why can't my hair be pretty right now?
57) That's right, I work in a restaurant and it needs to be up.
58) I hate rules.
59) Ugh there's the manager.
60) I should go run a meal.
61) Eh, do I really wanna run food?
62) Nah, I think I'll pass.
63) The new people need to learn table numbers.
64) Speaking of tables...
65) "Hi folks! Are we ready to order yet!"
66) Damn this check is gonna be high.
67) I hope I get 20%
68) I mean 18% would be fine too.
69) I'll put in their food right away.
70) I should go tell the kitchen to rush those teenagers food.
71) I kinda feel bad now.
72) What if skinny bitch is a waitress too and she would tip me well?!
73) "Hey guys! Table 41 needs their food rushed!
74) "Yeah go to hell too! I just want my damn food!"
75) "Hey guys! I have your food here for you."
76) I wonder if she is going to be able to tell it's not fat free ranch?
77) "Here's your salad with FF ranch, and here are your wings!"
78) God those wings look good.
79) I need wings.
80) ...and a beer.
81) MMMM, beer and wings.
82) I wonder what time we are going to get pulled tonight.
83) "Okay do you guys need anything else?"
84) ...of course you need more water.
85) I should get a water too.
86) I love water.
87) Is tonight over yet?
88) "Seriously guys what are we doing tonight? Beers, bars?"
89) I should grab that old guy another beer.
90) I bet he's gonna get it in tonight.
91) I really wanna make out with the bartender.
92) Damn that ass...
93) Teenagers are ready to pay already?
94) Please be at least 15%.
95) 10%? Seriously?
96) Suck my dick bro.
97) I shouldn't have gotten them more waters.
98) I'm over tonight.
99) Forget a car payment...
100) I need money for the bar.
Note from the Author:
If you are offended in any way by the article, you've never worked in a restaurant before.
In no way is this affiliated with my place of employment.
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